Green, Green, my #$%@& is green!

Okay, I know this "Green" blog would have been more timely had it been posted yesterday on St. Patty's Day (ah, the luck o' the Irish!) but I was too busy trying to find just the right green, eco-conscious food coloring for my guests organic beer to write this then.

But actually this writer is not even thinking about the fake Irish holiday that drinkers (posers!) from the world over claim as their own come every March 17th.  This rant is about a whole other set of posers: those businesses, entities and individuals who claim to be changing their ways of doing things, their procedures, the very way they live in order to save the planet.  You hear them cry it from the mountaintops on TV, radio, magazines, internet, everywhere.  I say "thou protest too much"!

So let's start with one of the largest culprits: the banks and utility companies that we used to write a check to every month.  Okay, so I get it that it is easier for ME to pay online, to not have to order/pay for checks, postage, etc every month (even though both of my banks give me unlimited FREE checks!).  But, HELL NO, I don't want online bank statements to save THEM paper, even if THEY are supposedly doing it in the name of "saving trees and energy".  B.S.  THEY don't want to have to pay for the paper, the printing, the postage, the manpower.  So now THEY think THEY are going to transfer that problem (i.e. COST) to me, right?  Wrong!  I still demand my paper copy be mailed to me so that I DON'T HAVE TO PAY for paper, ink and my time.  The IRS sure as heck doesn't want to peer at my computer screen during an audit....I know the hard way.  They want a nice hard copy in their hand, and it is preferable from THE COMPANY that issued it.  So, use recycled paper and ink and whatever you have to do, but please, please, please send me my hard copy Mr. Company.

Everywhere I turn I see people and companies cutting corners in the name of "saving the environment".  Again I cry foul.  Look, someone's going to have to print out that document or photo on paper with ink, so I say "better you than me".  And no, these people/companies do not intend to lower their rates with all their newfound savings, right?

And then there are just those who are riding the bandwagon to try to drum up positive marketing.  They claim to run their business in an earth-conscious way, like leaving certain lights off during work hours and other cutbacks.  Yeah right!   How about being honest and just saying that you are trying to cut costs on those huge electric bills....oh, unless it is a public building, and then go ahead and keep wasting taxpayer money so someone doesn't sue you for eyestrain for having to work in dim lighting.  Kind of reminds me of all the high level politicians who flew their individual private jets into the recent conference in Europe for "global warming".  Way to cut on CO2 emissions UN!

So stop leaning on "the cause" and call a spade a spade.  You are trimming the fat in your budget, and figured out that if that one airline could save $40,000/year by leaving off the single olive from the salad they served in flight, then think how many millions could be saved by a company like AT&T by not sending paper bills every month to it's kazillions of subscribers.  Again, too bad they don't pass the savings on to us.  But to anyone who has purchased ink cartridges for their printers you know how it is tres, tres expensive.

Next time you see someone marketing themselves as eco-friendly, etc. please look at their motives.  That would be like me telling casting directors and producers that I don't have headshots for them cause I don't want to waste paper and instead want to save the trees.  Those that already aren't digital with their photos (which THEY PRINT OUT by the way) would laugh me out of their office.

Oh, and by the way, I conveyed all this through an online blog because I didn't want to waste paper....see, I'm eco-friendly too!  :)_

Rainy Days And Mondays

It happens every time.  Even though we know it's coming.  Even though it happens every year.  Even though it's winter here in normally sunny Southern California.  I guess people really do believe, like Albert Hammond wrote in his hit song "It Never Rains In Southern California", that it doesn't.  Cause they sure act like it's unexpected and certainly don't know how to drive it in.


Today is Monday, and it rained all last night and into the afternoon.   A small storm I guess some would call it.  And then it became a little drizzle.  But the minds of the locals were set, and it was war.

We prepare for a little drizzle like we're going into battle.  We drive like "little old ladies from Pasadena" who have crippling cataracts and no sight or sense reflexes.  What are certainly little puddles to North Easterners are like mammoth lakes to us Los Angeleans.  Oh, here comes another "puddle"; I must swerve to avoid it.    I must have seen 5 accidents today, and I drove a mind-boggling 8 miles round trip, because people swerved, skidded, lost their minds in the rain.

I, myself, love the rain.  I even went bike riding at the beach yesterday in the sprinkles....because it was different, and cause sometimes I march to a different drummer.  And maybe because it is cleansing.  It is so beautiful after the city is washed clean....things come alive and are bright again.  And I know that somewhere up in the mountains, way up north, we are gathering precious water once again for the coming year, and snow for winter sports.

No hurricanes, no typhoons....just some lovely and welcome seasonal rain.  Get the wiper blades ready for the next onslaught of storms because, if you're like me and watch the weather reports, you already know there are more coming.  Don't you?!  So don't act surprised, and just DRIVE!

Is It Destiny or Coincidence?

Stuff has such a weird way of happening, doesn't it?   Like how is it that we can be half way around the world and run into a neighbor, or a family member of one of our friends who lives in another distant city.  Both of these things have happened to me, and countless other friends.   Just ask around.  You'll see that this is a very common happening.

But I also wonder how many times we are somewhere, like the supermarket, that there are several people we know there at the same time, perhaps ambling down different aisles, that we just don't see....or don't see because we have "blinders on", right?  Are you one of those people who keeps an eye open for everything going on around you, like Matt Damon in Bourne Ultimatim (if you recall he is sitting at a diner and, without looking around, is able to recount what kind of cars and dudes are in the parking lot, who is packing which weapon, etc.)?  Or are you like me, focused on the moment and completely unaware that your favorite Aunt Emma or Celebrity "XYZ" just walked by within 10 feet of you?

Today was especially weird.  I was driving back from the gym on Whitsett Ave. about to call an industry friend when I heard "tink, tink, tink, tink" from the back right of my car.  I thought "Gee, is the trunk open and slapping shut, or did I leave a belt buckle hanging out of the car?" and immediately pulled into the first open driveway to check.  A woman walks towards my car from the business there and, as I get out of the car to check, says "Is that a nail in your tire?".  "Damn" I thought, as I saw the biggest screw (complete with a washer) sticking out of my back tire, "that's the 3rd time in less than 3 months that I have had to get a tire patched!"  Why me??

The coincidence part is that the driveway I drove into belongs to an auto repair (Purrfect Auto....no I don't get paid for the plug - no pun intended.....maybe...) so they were able to fix my tire right away and for $10 had me back on the road within 10 minutes!   When does THAT happen?  I actually made several jokes to the mechanics that it was a smart business decision for them to have put screws and nails a block down the road on the way to their shop!  :)   I even offered to go ahead and put back my screw on the road to help them bring in more business.  They laughed and joked with me about it.

And since we're on the subject, how many times have you ran out of gas while driving into the gas station, or almost into the station?   Me?  3 times I think.  You feel soooo lucky, don't you??  Now, is that destiny or coincidence?  Or maybe bad planning for not getting gas sooner, and then heading to the station just in the nick of time.  Living on the edge, I think they call it.

Personally I think this stuff is primed to happen all the time, we're just not aware or open to seeing it.  So people, OPEN UP YOUR EYES AND MINDS, and let the good, lucky, coincidental destinies benefit you.  You can call it destiny if you must, but I'll see you at the supermarket!

Don't Be A Turkey, And Eat Some!

Happy Thanksgiving one and all!  Hope you are enjoying the big fat bird, the Butterball, with friends and family today.  It is a time for thanks and giving, so let's step it up and do both.

I love Thanksgiving because it is a time of sanctioned overeating, and lets face it, we love food and eating.  No guilt on Thanksgiving, just stuffing ourselves til our tummies pop out, Uncle Vince asleep with mouth agape in the worn Bark-O-Lounger in the corner while the in between pizzas are on their way to keep us going until the 2nd turkey is out of the oven for the "Fourth Meal" around midnight.

Taco Bell was so astute to coin that phrase, cause that really is what happens late at night at my friends Chicago family's home.  A whole entire turkey meal with all the trimmings, after they have already picked apart the carcass of the first bird and then ate tons of pizza.  Yahoo....gluttony at it's best, and approved as a national holiday.  Why don't we just rename it EatingFoodDay or BeingAGluttonDay?

Where else on the planet, where people are starving daily....even here in the good old U.S of A many are without daily food....can they even dream of having not one, but two full-on turkey dinners with all the trimmings, and pizza in between in one night?!  Reminds me of a King Henry the 8th movie I saw years back.  Gluttony, I think that's what they call it.

But I guess that's our right as consumers.  To spend our money on what we want at that whimsical moment, instead of giving some of that overabundance to others in need, as in the "Giving" part of Thanksgiving.

And we wonder why a hug percentage of Americans are overweight.  Maybe we should just stop maligning those poor turkeys and start calling ourselves "Butterball"!
Enjoy the feast and thanks for everything.

Didn't Everyone See Paranormal Activity As A Comedy?

I don't like feeling taken.  Most people don't.  But the people over at Paramount certainly didn't mind taking our money at the box office for one of the stupidest YouTube-like videos I've seen in a long time.  To set the record straight, I actually didn't pay for the movie since I go to my local theater for free (with SAG Card), so I was able to walk out of there smugly thinking "thank God I didn't spend $12 for that piece o' silliness (okay, my local cineplex only charges $9, but still).

This piece of somewhat scary fluff was made in San Diego in about 7 days for somewhere around $11-15 K (depends on which source you read, but let's just say a really small budget funded by the director Oren Peli).  His two main actors Micah Sloat and Katie Featherston, novice actors, did the shoot for something like $500 each several years back.  And then it got shopped around to festivals and such for a while.....enter Steven Spielberg and some execs at Paramount who snapped up this little "gem" for around $350k with some "back end" for the Director (which he is purportedly sharing with his actors...hey, nice guy!).

Then Paramount decided to do a Blair Witch Project on us and started internet marketing the crap out of it.  Tweets and all the rest.  With slogans like "See The Movie Everyone's Talking About" and "Be Part of The Phenomenon".  Look, I just don't do well with these messages.  I mean, who wants to not be part of something that's going to be water cooler Facebook talk for the next 2 months??  So I decided I would go and spend my precious time to see a "scary" movie (for the record, I don't like "scary" movies, which is why you will never see a review from me for one of the Saw or Hostel franchised movies).  Besides, it's free for me :)

So I go late at night thinking to myself, "If it's really scary who would be fool enough to watch it right before bedtime, right?".   The theater is pretty packed; not full, but alot of people.   There is this African-American couple sitting in front of me, to the left a couple of seats.  I only bring them into this because the guy, who was big enough to be a bouncer at the Key Club, kept saying his thoughts to his girl throughout the movie, and his thoughts just happened to be my thoughts, as if he was streaming from my brain to his mouth.

Okay (BEWARE Spoiler Alerts ahead:), so the movie starts and yes, it looks like one of the new-fad hand-held-camera documentary shows (trying to fool us into believing its "real").  And this happy couple, living in a very, very nice two story house, decides to put the dudes expensive camera in the bedroom cause the chick hears sounds and thuds at night.   Only after about 20 minutes (and God knows how long together) does she admit to being stalked by your unfriendly neighborhood Casper.  I mean, who doesn't tell their significant other that they have phantom stalkers?  And when he does find out, mid-movie, who wouldn't ask their chick to leave, like now!  But no, they see sightings of shadows, hear thumps, doors moving back and forth.  The paranormal spirit even starts hogging the sheets, drags the chick out of bed and more kinda scary stuff.  And yet they continue to go back to sleep in the same bed every night.  And the guy in front of me can't believe how stupid this all is (that's what he said AND I was thinking).  Then the dude in fronts does the unthinkable.....he starts laughing......and so do I.  I mean, gut wrenching laughter.... it was THAT corny!

Anyway, 80 minutes of that and I can't wait til the movie ends and I can get some sleep.  And then the ending comes.  The chick kills the dude downstairs (she is possessed by the demon) and manages to carry him upstairs and throws him toward camera (the viewer perspective) and then snarls demon-like into the camera....beat.....that was it?  That's what all the fuss is about??  Dumb, waste of time.  And, guess what, that's what the dude in front of me says as he laments spending some $20 for him and his girl to see this piece of crap.

I go home, sleep oh so peacefully, and the next morning see a link in one of my mags to see the original ending that Spielberg wasn't as fond of.  It was a little long of an ending, but at least it was credible...even if it wasn't as "scary".  In this original ending the possessed Katie kills Micah downstairs, comes up and rocks back and forth upstairs for, ooooh, about 24 hours, while a friend comes by and finds Micah's body, screams, comes back with police who end up shooting Katie as she wields a knife and lunges towards them shouting "where's Micah".   The article also mentioned another ending where the spirit has her committing suicide and then abandons poor Katie's body.   Yahoo!  At least that would be an end to the "franchise" that we're about to be burdened with.

Anyway, just my opinion (and the dude in front of me).  Save your money and wait for video, or not at all is what I really think.  Just use my crib notes and, trust me, you can sound like you saw the movie while remaining $12 richer!

Boo!

Being outdone by a rock band of 11 year olds

At a BBQ with a band composed of very confident 11 year old girls.  When did things start so early?  Will it be 4 year old prodigies forming a band next??
Not that I mind, being musically inclined myself, but is it the whim of the parents....like stage mom stuff? or do the kids wake up one day at 6 years old and say "hey parental units, I want to be a rock star by the time I'm 11! "?

Anyway, the kids were great and I salute the parents for recognizing their talent and encouraging the Chucky Cheeze generation to get up and play their hearts out. Rock On!

(the attached photo IS NOT the actual band :)

Why do we always "Fall Back" into a surprised state of mind?

Daylight Saving Time (DST) or as some may say, daylight shifting, occurs in the Fall and the Spring each year.  It was originally Benjamin Franklin's great idea (gee, thanks Ben).   It's initial purpose was not the farmers, as the myth goes, but to allow people to have extra light at the end of the day in the spring and summer months, and save burning candles in the dark of the morning.  What it boils down to is a lot of hassle for most of us, especially those who have to reset devices and excessive amounts of clocks.  It takes me days to catch up to the car, microwave, watches, computers, wall clocks and all the rest!  I'm sure you have all experienced the confusion when you relied on the "wrong clock", the one you forgot to reset, right?

At least we can thank the Congress under President Bush for one thing; for pushing back the descent into early darkness for some extra weeks each year....for shortening the period of early-onset dusk by about a month.  Supposedly it was based on some energy issue.  This year, with the change occurring on Halloween night, it gave costumed revelers the opporunity to feed at their favorite water hole for an extra hour....legally. 

Why does it irk me that people still act surprised each year that it is getting darker earlier than before?  Their ability to drive in the dark suddenly seems impaired (does no one drive at night if they work 9 to 6 jobs??).  And friends and strangers are often overheard saying "yeah, we gained an extra hour".  What the heck are they talking about?  Isn't that "extra hour" unceremoniously yanked away from us in the springtime as we "Spring Forward" in the other phase of Daylight Saving Time.  BTW, what kind of Daylight are we saving?  Isn't it just light outside for a digital-clock-hour earlier every day while our fun-in-the-sun hour is clipped off on the backside.  The way I see it we have exactly as many daylight hours every day, just shifted.   The days get shorter in the winter as the sun heads south for the winter solstice, which is around December 21st.  In other words, it gets dark early and stays dark longer in the winter anyway.

Come on people, wake up (earlier than before) and smell the coffee (if you remembered to set back the clock on your automatic coffee maker, that is).  When are the people going to finally stand up and demand that this nonsense, and all it's requisite clock-changing, stop once and for all, leaving us with summer hours all year long?!

enjoy the long nights!

Tansy

ref: Daylight Saving Time